Does absence really make the heart grow fonder??????

I am forced to ask what the person who coined the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" was smoking. I know I am a unique human being in several aspects but I do not conform to the above saying. It will be a week tomorrow since the Biker left town but already, I have been tempted to "google" through my little black book for someone to temporarily fill the void. I know he returns to town on Saturday night but the emptiness I felt after I saw him off has worn off at the speed of light! This, I know is contradictory to what I told you earlier but he's absence has helped me realise that theres more to life than a sensual foot massage.

I'm not sure this decision to revert to my little black book would have been easier made had it not been for the contant messages that a few of my special friends have plagued my inbox with. I must give it to them for their impeccable timing. I was starting to get tired of hearing Q go on and on about what a great time we shared last Sunday and was beginning to look for the ultimate thrill of the week.

As it seems, I've not reached the desperate point where my body makes demands that cause me to throw all caution to the wind. Since today is Thursday, let me see how much longer I can hold off the raw urge to indulge. Till then, I remain yours, Big Mama

Bring on the birthday blues!

Today is Q's birthday. I just bought him the most thoughtful gift that he has always wished for. His excitement was contagious and it filled me with a warmth and joy that only comes from giving. Seeing as we are both busy, he has organised a drink-up at his crib over the weekend. I can't wait to hit his party. The only trouble is, he's failed to commit to a particular date. I'm pushing him to make it on Friday since on Saturday I'll be at the Jonathan Butler concert while Sunday absolutely doesn't work for me. Reason, the Biker returns to town that day. The excitement i'm feeling can only be compared to a coward's first bungy jump.

The Ex called from Bagdad to say he was thinking about me lately. For some reason, his call did not excite me that much even if he made a huge effort to continuously flatter me. If i didn't know better, I'd think traditional punctuation had totally run out of style judging from his constant flow of endearments. He still refuses to say when he'll be back saying he wants to surprise me. Well, lets hope he doesn't surprise himself instead.

Conflicting Feelings

Okay, i'm not sure how i got to this place but since the biker came into my life, I've been totally confused that i don't know what i want anymore. He's currently on this long distance ride to Burundi with other bikers to raise funds for some orphans. Since he's been gone, I'm not sure my life has meaning until the time he calls which is usually at the end of his day.

It was during one of these low moments that Q called yesterday begging to see me. I could tell from his voice that he was extremely horny. Well, considering that i've been off the circuit for a while, i decided to test my will power. I got to his home at about 6.00pm and he had made us a very tasty meal. He then put on a romantic movie and cuddled up next to me. When he started caressing me i could'nt hold it much longer. Before i knew it, we were kissing and lost all track of the movie. One thing led to another but while he was ravishing me, my phone rang. (I've got the loudest ringtone that can even wake the dead). Anyway i ignored the phone but while basking in the aftermath of our sin, i decided to reach for the phone to see who was calling me. Well, as bad luck goes, it was the biker who had opted to send me a text message instead about how much he missed me and how he couldn't wait to see me. Most people in my position would have felt ashamed but for me, i felt excitement instead. Its the excitement of doing the forbidden that i find so irresistable. Call me crazy but its what gets my juices running.

Anyways, the biker confessed just before he left that he's extremely jealous. He therefore called me up with several questions about what i'd been up to. Being the ninja that i am, i came up with a satisfying answer but today, i've been plagued with calls from Q who hasn't stopped expressing his fulfilment with my performance last night.

I'll wait to hear from the Biker but in the meantime, Q is waiting to see me. Cheers

The First Kiss

I must start by apologising for all the time i've spent without posting but blame it on the ISP. Just to take you back to that last day, i went out with the regular guy whom i shall call Q and spent a wonderful four hours getting wasted. On getting home however, i found that i couldnt shake the temptation to talk to the biker. As fate would have it, just as i reached for my phone, he called and we got into this wild long conversation that was spiced with innuendo about what we will do to each other at our next meeting.

Anyways, the night passed blissfully and i woke up the next day faced with the prospect of yet a more intriguing day. I must confess that friday was not that eventful for me mainly because of the stress from work. I simply planned to spend a quiet evening watching movies with my dearest little sister who was yet to return to school. The biker joined us for the movie night and it was delightful having him massage my feet as the movie rolled.

I next saw the biker on Sunday when we rode together along the Mbarara highway while taking my sister to school. I immensely enjoyed the experience and my spirits were high when we got back to town. We hit the Big Brother eviction party and proceeded home to rest.

It was on Monday night that we shared our first kiss. To say the wait was worth it would be an understatement. It begun in the guise of a massage to ease my tension but resulted into an intimate session that promised lots of pleasure in the future. I think the thing that stood out most was his sensitvity and the way he respected my boundaries.

Its raining men!

Today is one of those days that I get to ponder upon the difficult question that is my future. To understand my dilema, one has to first understand my life. I have a phobia for commitment which makes me run at the first sign of a guy who is here to stay. I sometimes wonder who it will be that will catch me in flight.

I am still having a heavy long distance thing going on with my ex who is currently in Bagdad. Along with him is this other guy that i've been "seeing" on and off for the last four years. (Even before my ex really became an ex!). As if this this isn't bad enough, i sometimes spend a rather exciting time with some special friends whom i see only when i fight with the first two.

Anyways, recently i added one other friend who has exhibited potential of getting to be more than just a friend (The biker). Today for some reason, the ex called asking after me, the regular guy called wanting to see me this evening, the biker and I (God bless him!); has fallen into this routine where we see each other every after work and one of my special friends was simply checking on me. Whom should i see tonight? I neither want to change this beautiful pattern with the biker nor do I feel ready to let go of my regular guy with whom i'd kind of developed this pattern before saying I had suddenly gotten busy with work.

Confusion raging

A week ago, i met the most exciting biker and i thought we had made a connection. He spoke well, responded correctly and was generally nice. Only trouble is, we are so different yet so alike. A week has gone by with a couple of dates which i must say is a record for me but the only trouble is that much as i feel the chemistry, we've barely touched.

Traditionally, my relationships have not followed convention. First we get physical then get to know each other better. This time, i'm playing hard ball. How do people interact for so long when theres an obvious attraction and don't get tempted to touch? We'll let me sit this one out and see what happens after two weeks!